Football fans: what do you think of my memoir?

” Your in next play” I heard my defensive coach scream over the sound of the fans. I was immediately patted on the back and cheered on by the freshman and offensive players who thought i deserved the starting spot. I felt a mix of fear and excitement. It was my first varsity game ever only my second year playing football. We were playing against one of the best teams in the state and they had more fans then us in the stands on our own home field. They were winning 12 to zip there defense had scored two touch downs on us but we were eating there offense alive. But the guy the coach had started in my position had already given up in the first quarter. He had started off playing too aggressive and gotten burned on the reverse now he was just letting the guy block him giving there running back easy yards. It was my time to shine and in the perfect conditions. It was raining cats and dogs meaning the offense wasn’t gonna be able to control the ball. I ran out onto the field trying not to slip on the wet turf. “54 your out i screamed” He looked up and jogged off the field with a lazy defeated look on his face. I ran into the huddle and received a warm welcome from the middle linebacker who had been working his butt off to pick up the slack for number 54. “pinch mac wack” He yelled the play over the fans. Everything but the first part of the play was gibberish to me. I walked up to the line and took a knee on the wet turf. I heard someone come up behind me and recognized the voice of our team captain and the leader of the defense. “Bro number 79 is weak and slow your stronger and faster than him. You better show out when your legs hurt and you feel like you can’t run anymore run 5 more steps and then run ten more after that. Its me and you all night baby” He whispered to me before smacking the side of my helmet and backtracking to his position. The offensive lineman jogged up to the line and i sized up my guy. Number 79 the biggest guy on the team by far. At least 6’6 350 pounds. “down” the quarterback said looking over the line “sssseeeetttttt GO!” he screamed i jumped off the line falling for the fake cadence. I couldn’t believe how bad i had messed up. I had jumped offsides on the first play of my varsity career. I looked to the sidelines expecting to be taken out of the game at any second. But my coach was giving me another chance. This time i completely ignored the quarterback and the lineman in front of me. I stared down the ball waiting for it to move and when it did i shot my gap as hard as i could. I beat number 79 and broke into the back field the quarterback was pushing the ball into number sixes hands he was shaking and it was the ugliest hand off i had ever seen. I was running to hit number 6 when i was blind sided. I felt my feet fly out from under me and looked up just in time to see the helmet of number 79 smashing into mine. All i felt was pain. I don’t know how long i was on the bottom of that pile it felt like hours but it must have been seconds. When i got up i was mad and my whole outlook had changed. I was looking to get even.

Its an excerpt from a memoir of my first varsity football game. Its for english class. Sorry there isn’t paragraphs yahoo answers takes them out.
Yea he was a beast lol. And yahoo answers take my paragraphs out bro.

Teens: what do you think of my memoir?

” Your in next play” I heard my defensive coach scream over the sound of the fans. I was immediately patted on the back and cheered on by the freshman and offensive players who thought i deserved the starting spot. I felt a mix of fear and excitement. It was my first varsity game ever only my second year playing football. We were playing against one of the best teams in the state and they had more fans then us in the stands on our own home field. They were winning 12 to zip there defense had scored two touch downs on us but we were eating there offense alive. But the guy the coach had started in my position had already given up in the first quarter. He had started off playing too aggressive and gotten burned on the reverse now he was just letting the guy block him giving there running back easy yards. It was my time to shine and in the perfect conditions. It was raining cats and dogs meaning the offense wasn’t gonna be able to control the ball. I ran out onto the field trying not to slip on the wet turf. “54 your out i screamed” He looked up and jogged off the field with a lazy defeated look on his face. I ran into the huddle and received a warm welcome from the middle linebacker who had been working his butt off to pick up the slack for number 54. “pinch mac wack” He yelled the play over the fans. Everything but the first part of the play was gibberish to me. I walked up to the line and took a knee on the wet turf. I heard someone come up behind me and recognized the voice of our team captain and the leader of the defense. “Bro number 79 is weak and slow your stronger and faster than him. You better show out when your legs hurt and you feel like you can’t run anymore run 5 more steps and then run ten more after that. Its me and you all night baby” He whispered to me before smacking the side of my helmet and backtracking to his position. The offensive lineman jogged up to the line and i sized up my guy. Number 79 the biggest guy on the team by far. At least 6’6 350 pounds. “down” the quarterback said looking over the line “sssseeeetttttt GO!” he screamed i jumped off the line falling for the fake cadence. I couldn’t believe how bad i had messed up. I had jumped offsides on the first play of my varsity career. I looked to the sidelines expecting to be taken out of the game at any second. But my coach was giving me another chance. This time i completely ignored the quarterback and the lineman in front of me. I stared down the ball waiting for it to move and when it did i shot my gap as hard as i could. I beat number 79 and broke into the back field the quarterback was pushing the ball into number sixes hands he was shaking and it was the ugliest hand off i had ever seen. I was running to hit number 6 when i was blind sided. I felt my feet fly out from under me and looked up just in time to see the helmet of number 79 smashing into mine. All i felt was pain. I don’t know how long i was on the bottom of that pile it felt like hours but it must have been seconds. When i got up i was mad and my whole outlook had changed. I was looking to get even.

Its an excerpt from a memoir of my first varsity football game. Its for english class. Sorry there isn’t paragraphs yahoo answers takes them out.

Can ask you a few questions pls?

Pie or cake?:
Chocolate or vanilla?:
Black or white?:
Ceiling or floor?:
Couch or bed?:
Cough or sneeze?:
On or off?:
Closed or open?:
Brush or comb?:
Long or short?:
Big or small?:
Wet or dry?:
Under or over?:
Top or bottom?:
Fly or fall?:
Smile or frown?:
Tears of joy or tears of sorrow?:
Hot or cold?:
Warm or cool?:
Rough or smooth?:
Cat or dog?:
Snake or bird?:
Shark or T-Rex?:
Past or present?:
Science fiction or fantasy?:
Dull or sharp?:
Live forever or die young?:
Books or television?:
Jump or skip?:
Fast or slow?:
Run or walk?:
Guy or girl?:
Disney or Warner Brothers?:
Belle or Jasmine?:
Gaston or Cruella Deville?:
Food or friends?:
Colors or black and white?:
Cute or pretty?:
Good or evil?:
Fruits or vegetables?:
Milk or juice?:
Hot chocolate or gingerale?:
Beer or wine?:
Movies or cartoons?:
Pillow or blanket?:
Moon or stars?:
Sky or sea?:
Explode or implode?:
=>Odd Questions<=
What color is the bottom of your tongue?:
Your foot?:
Do you have any medical problems concerning feet?:
Do you secretly fantasize about George W. Bush?:
Do you chew on your homework?:
Pencils?:
Do you read the dictionary?:
Encyclopedia?:
Atlas?:
Road map?:
Do you memorize random facts?:
Do you stalk anyone?:
Does anyone stalk you?:
Do you cut the grass with a pair of scissors?:
Do you dust your lawn?:
Do you collect dust?:
Lint?:
Baby teeth?:
Have you ever thought of becoming a prostitute?:
Do you wish prostitution was legal?:
Do you use lotion on your feet?:
Do you have problems with Canadians?:
Mexicans?:
Americans?:
The French?:
The English?:
Have you ever played a kazoo?:
Have you ever shot someone?:
Something?:
How many pairs of underwear do you own?:
Jeans?:
What ring size are you?:
Belt size?:
Have you ever gotten anything amputated?:
Do you have a calendar from 2001 hanging in your room?:
Do you eat a lot?:
Do you get excited over cameras?:
Do you have a strange obsession with pickles?:
Poison?:
Knives?:
Cheese?:
Penguins?:
Bald people?:
Scrawny African children?:
Midgets?:
Pirates?:
Corny jokes?:
Are you a virgin?:
Are you a hermaphrodite?:
Do you tie string to your teeth?:
Do you bite yourself?:
Cut yourself?:
Do you get cold sores often?:
Do you have a cold right now?:
Do you suffer from chronic migraines?:
Do you like to touch sharp objects?:
Do you have a twitching problem?:
Are you homicidal?:
What do you do on the computer?:
Anything your parents should know about?:
Are you happy with your life?:
Is everybody else happy with your life?:
Do you like 100% white grape juice?:
Do you honestly believe that trees are, in fact, green?:
How big is the universe?:
How many hours of sleep do you get every night?:
What do you dream about?:
Anything your parents should know about?:
Do you fall for Internet advertisements?:
Do you enjoy bungee jumping?:
Do you have AIM?:
MSN?:
YIM?:
A Neopets account?:
A Vampirefreaks account?:
A Quizilla account?:
A Bzoink account?:
Do you watch bugs crawl on the floor?:
Do you follow the bugs that crawl on the floor?:
Do you get attacked by ladybugs?:
Are you scared of everything that breathes?:
Are you scared of anything at all?:
What?:
Which cardinal direction do you like best?:
Do you have a life?:
Do you have a microphone on your computer?:
A webcam?:
A scanner?:
A printer?:
A cordless mouse?:
Does your mouse light up?:
Are you scared of mice?:
What kind of computer do you have?:
Were you ever physically abused?:
Verbally?:
Sexually?:
Do you wish you were a fish?:
A cat?:
A dog?:
Do you have a cell phone?:
What kind is it?:
Do you weasel out of things?:
Do your teachers like you?:
Do your parents like you?:
Do your siblings like you?:
Does karma, if it exists, love you?:
Did you have a tail when you were born?:
Do you enjoy school?:
Do you sleep under or over the covers?:
Do you sleep in a bed?:
Do you catch yourself floating at times?:
Are you a packrat?:
Do you know HTML or CSS?:
Do you find yourself chewing on anything your fingers have touched?:
Do you shy away from social situations?:
Are you obsessed with shiny things?:
Are you at least attracted to them?:
Do you smash guitars or any other typ

Are these tips even better?

1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply
pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The
blockage is almost instantly removed.

2. A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent
you from going back to sleep.

3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.

5. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f*****g thing in the first place, you fat b******s.

6. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky.. The
following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

7. Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the
seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.

8. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.

9. Don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

10. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You’ll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning; having had your memory mysteriously ‘erased’.

11. Don’t waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to what you want to look at.

12. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes’ eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

13. Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.

14. Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

15. Anorexics, when your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.

16. A next door neighbour’s car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.

17. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

18. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

19. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you’ve taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.

20. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply p*ssing in the sink.

21. Weedy fellas. Develop a right forearm like Arnold Schwarzeneggar by buying one of those Cindy Crawford workout videos.

22. Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they’re always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc ‘tastes exactly like the real thing’, they won’t know any difference.

23. Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you’d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

24. Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of ‘rodeo sex’. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can ‘stay mounted’ for.

25. Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

26. Give comics that ‘Pulp Fiction’ feel by reading the last frames of cartoons first, then reading the rest in a random order.

27. High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

28. Motorists. Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your
windscreen, sticking half a melon skin on you head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.

29. Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings..

30. Convince neighbours that you have invented a ‘SHRINKING’ device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a JCB digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and replace the JCB unseen, with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!

31. Have all your dumps at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you’ll also be getting paid for it.